Infinite Love ... and .. Deer

This morning I was feeling kinda bummed and lonely – because my running buddy couldn't make it to our run in the woods. Then I remembered the infinite Love Spring living in me, that is me and everyone and everything else. I began to feel full of love and comforted in a deep way.

At that moment, I looked down and saw this perfect leaf with a heart shape somehow cut out in the middle. “Amazing,” I thought, “Just amazing.” Knowing absolutely this was not a coincidence.

As I proceeded on my run through the woods, a large deer ran across my path. I looked over and there was a family of deer, about 6 or 7. We ran side by side for a moment of magic and magnificence. Then they disappeared. I'm not sure if it was the pregnancy hormones or just that I was in deep recognition of the connection to this Pure Love – but I wanted to stop and weep.

As a surge of emotion filled my spirit, I instantly felt grateful and in awe of the magnificence of the absolute perfection of Life. All my thinking about what needed to be changed and fixed, all the thoughts about what was imperfect disappeared. It was replaced by an absolute knowing that ALL is perfect as it IS already. It didn't need me to do anything – or to make it any particular way – because it's all just perfect in and of itself.

Even the things I had seen in the moment as sad or imperfect or needing to be changed instantly transformed into being ok the way they are. The beauty and perfection in the mess of it all, if you will.

In this moment I saw very clearly, the depth of gratitude that exists for all of Life's waves. It is in the recognition of where the source of Love dwells.

And it is true, we have many moments where action is required. But if we do not allow the action to come from that place of love and gratitude, it serves no one and nothing well.

What if Love is always there?

By A.M. Stewart

One Sunday afternoon, my husband and I are catching up on some house work. As I'm folding laundry, I look outside the living room window. I can see my son Tosh playing on his swing set. The leaves are falling and blowing swiftly through the air as the months have changed into a new season.

 And in this moment, my heart feels so full of love. And 'something' is in recognition of this ever-present love. It's perfect and beautiful. And there is no effort to 'do' anything, except to acknowledge the presence of this love. There is no need to create or make it – because it's just always here.

Sometimes I feel like we can get into these habits of busying ourselves. Like the weekend has to have so much production, every ounce of time needs to be taken advantage of, every possible 'thing' to do needs to be considered for the sake of making memories with our family and for our children. (I almost feel exhausted just writing about all that!).

But what if the truth was, by doing ALL that – we're actually distracting ourselves from fully recognizing the love that is ALREADY present. We don't need to organize or create it. It's there for us to enjoy anytime, anywhere, doing anything … what if we recognized this? What if we could let go of some of our personal thinking about life? What would we experience next?

What if Love, Peace, Joy, exists within us always. Like, always always. Like, it never leaves! Even in chaos it's there! Would we begin to Trust that more than our personally created thinking about life?

I can tell you personally that when I trust it's there, Life flows so much more effortlessly. And is a JOY. Even while washing dishes! But when I forget this, I create a lot of misery for myself and sometimes for those around me.

As LeVar Burton (Reading Rainbow) would say, “But you don't have to take my word for it!”

In other words, see for yourself. What if Love is always there?

If you are interested in individual or group Spiritual Coaching, please contact me at amstewartview@gmail.com

For several years I have worked with individuals and groups helping people gain a deeper understanding of how and where our experience of life is being created. This approach is universal, meaning that it does not interfere with any particular belief system, religion or personal background. You will find these psychological Principles are the 'ingredients' to all life.

Anything is Possible

 By A.M. Stewart

Somehow I am always taken care of
Anything Is Possible
Somehow Love always answers the question
Anything Is Possible
Somehow Gratitude comes back into my heart
Anything Is Possible
When nay-sayers thrive and can’t see the light
Anything Is Possible
When hope comes rushing in with a blanket of faith 
Anything Is Possible
When my hands are guided gently back to Love
Anything Is Possible
When a desire to see more fills my spirit
Anything Is Possible
As I rest at night and trust in the Unknown
Anything Is Possible
When I believe anything is possible
Anything Is Possible

Anything is possible
Anything is possible
Any. Thing. Is. Possible.
I welcome into my Heart.

Butterflies are Always Free

By A.M. Stewart

There was a time I remember feeling so small like I existed without a voice. I remember feeling like I didn’t even know ‘me.’ I remember believing the lies were true. I remember the stories I made up about weekly bruises that suddenly appeared on my limbs. I remember wanting someone who would love me – just for me.

Then realizing, maybe, I didn’t even love myself.

I remember the moment I spread my wings. And the moment I noticed that I had wings! It was the moment I decided I would no longer accept abuse.  It happened quite unexpectedly.

For many years, I prayed for him to change. For him to treat me better. For him to respect me.  For him to have an awakening that would show him how to truly love me. For him to wake up! There I was, watching, waiting, wondering if the butterfly would ever emerge from its cocoon. I could not see that I was in a cocoon too. Held captive only by my thinking.

I always thought I would be able to say or ‘do’ something that would change his thoughts and behavior. That maybe today was the day that he would show love and compassion. And true, maybe we can have an affect on others with our words and actions. But it is not up to us to change or ‘fix’ anyone.   

The change I desperately desired did not occur within him. It occurred within me like magic.  The rabbit suddenly popped out of the hat. There it was, my strength and Wisdom revealed!

It was in a Yoga class where I had an insight that changed my life forever.  I wasn’t expecting to see

life differently. I wasn’t expecting to hear anything. I wasn’t expecting any change. 
On that day, I listened to words that spoke to my heart, to my essence, to my Wisdom, to God within.  

They were words of freedom. Words of truth. Words of simple joy.

I’m sure I had probably heard these words before but in that moment they were truth. They were new. They were a gift only I could open. I was finally ready in that moment to listen.

The Yoga teacher said, “We cannot change the external world, we can only change ourselves from within.”

At that moment I knew I wanted to love myself. I knew I would no longer accept or tolerate abuse. I knew I had to leave.

We never know what will spark a moment of deep realization or insight. The Yoga teacher’s words were poetry to my heart. They were words I already knew. But now I was ready. Now I saw the strength within me. Now I could leave my cocoon.

Now, anything was possible – even starting all over.  

If you happen to be stubborn like me, you often have to go to the very bottom to discover you have to pick a different direction. You may, like me, just want to know for certain, ‘Is this really the bottom? Are you sure I can’t go any further?’ There was no more space in my cocoon. The only direction left was ‘out.’

And so I flew!

We fear change so much in life. We think we’ve got to hold onto whatever we have forever – even if it’s bad for us. Even if it’s killing us. All of a sudden we can find ourselves wearing a bikini in snowy weather shocked, wondering, ‘What happened? I’m freezing … where are my pants?’   

Yes the weather has changed. And when we resist change, we often create more problems.

Observe how nature gracefully accepts change whenever that should occur. Everything happens right on time, flawlessly, like a joyous dance between lost lovers. If Fall comes early, the leaves do not try to cling desperately to the tree. They joyfully surrender to the present moment of falling.

Nothing is late. Nothing is early. Nothing is resisted. It’s all peacefully accepted as the Truth. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we relaxed just a bit and enjoyed the changing seasons of our lives?

The season of my life changed in a matter of seconds. After hearing the Yoga teacher’s words, a burden lifted from my shoulders. I no longer felt guilty and ashamed of my sad marriage. I no longer felt like I had to fix it or the other person.

I discovered, in fact, I was free.

I discovered I no longer had to lie about the bruises.  I no longer had to accept being verbally put down every day. I no longer needed to play a victim role. I no longer had to pretend life was wonderful.

I could just be me. So I grew dreadlocks and made a plan to leave someone who chose not love me.

I chose to love myself.

For the first time in my life I listened to my heart. I listened to the voice deep within my soul. And I took a courageous step onto a path I could not see. People and opportunities began to show up in my life to help me because my eyes and heart were open.

When I began to trust that I had Wisdom I did things I never thought I’d have the courage or strength to do. I took steps to free myself from an abusive person. I made decisions that felt right to my soul. I stood up for myself when people close to me questioned why I was leaving my marriage. I spoke my Truth with love and courage.

In the midst of my abusive relationship, I received a gift.  It was a box a friend made for me. The front of the box said, “Butterflies are always free.” A simple message of truth about who we are.

After emerging from the cocoon, there were many moments this butterfly had to rest. And still does. Learning to fly again can sometimes feel like a bumpy endeavor.

We are all meant to fly free. To be contained only by the love of our hearts. And when I least expected it, I uncovered this freedom dwelling in my soul all along.

Connected to Love

 by A.M. Stewart

We are always connected to Love, because Love is who we are. Whether we realize this moment to moment or not - this is a truth.  Some people may use many words in place of ‘Love’ like God, Wisdom, Energy, Source, the Supreme, etc.  But we’re all talking about the same thing here, let us not get lost on the sound of words. 

I’ve noticed this connection to Love at many different points in my life. During situations one would think not possible. One in particular comes to mind: when visiting my Mom the week her husband passed away. During this sad time of loss, I noticed my Mom continuing to care for all the flowers she had been given.  Carefully, gently and peacefully she replaced the water, then arranged them in such a pleasing way. Her care and gentleness for the flowers was simply a deep connection to Love expressing itself in this way, in that moment.

I noticed this connection recently when feeling particularly overwhelmed and sad about life. I realized I was ‘feeling’ alone. The moment I noticed this – and said it to myself – something profound happened. My connection to Love – to God – answered back, “You are never alone. Even when you’re alone, you’re never alone – because you are connected to this infinite, universal energy of Love, of God, of Wisdom.” 

This deep realization was immediately comforting to me in that moment. It’s exactly what I needed. And it came from inside myself – no one else ‘told’ me this. In that moment I recognized this Truth, this connection to Love that never disappears. What an absolute gift. We are always connected to Love – because Love is who we are. 

Live Like a Tree

By A.M. Stewart

Live grounded like a tree, its roots stretching far and wide. 

Be as present as a tree, grateful for each moment.  A tree is not partial to the rainstorms or the sunshine, it knows both are essential for its growth.  A tree is not partial to the morning or the night, it is in total acceptance of Life's balance. 

Be like the branches of the tree, bending with the wind, leaves flowing gently with cool air breezes.  Live quiet as the tree, assured life is its forever Source.

Parenting and Being Human: Lessons From A Toddler

By A.M Stewart

 

As I’m watching my son the other day, I begin to take notice of the seemingly effort-less-ness of his smiling and laughing.  Huh, I thought. 

He looked to be so joyful for (really) no apparent reason.  Or perhaps, there wasn’t any ‘reason’ my brain could come up with as to why he was acting so happy in that moment. (I should mention my son is 2.5 years old.)

I wonder why he’s so happy, I thought. Then something profound came to me. 

He is living in his true state of being! 

There is no ‘reason’ we have to have in order to be happy or joyful – but for the mere sake of existing – of being – of living.

Tosh, my son, was simply being - expressing the pure love that is him. 

Then I thought, you know, adults, teenagers, stressed-out individuals - ALL humans - have this ability.  An ability that is so natural, like water flowing down a river.  No effort needed because it is who we are. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am like every other parent out there who clinches her teeth as their toddler throws a tantrum in the Library.  Who (at times) uses all her strength to hold back from acting on the immediate thoughts in her head as her child hits her and throws objects at her (currently dealing with this). Who criticizes herself with loads of judgement when her son comes back from a night at Grandma’s and behaved like an ‘angel’. (Why can’t he do that for me?)  Yes, just because I’m writing this doesn’t mean I’m immune to being human. 

However, I do find that when I’m open to learning, I do indeed learn so very much. 

Even from my toddler son.  (Yes, you read that correctly).

Actually, tons of learning happens when I am present with my child.

We visited the zoo several weekends ago with Tosh, our son.  As we approached the entrance, I glimpsed a sign that said, “Water is never tired of flowing.”   

Of course!  

Because water is just flowing, surrendering to the flow, much like children know how to do so naturally.

As we navigated the Zoo, I had all these thoughts about what we ‘should’ or ‘needed’ to cover.  Tosh, on the other hand, had completely different ideas about how to see the Zoo.   

He just flowed. 

And me, in my innocent thinking, trying numerous times to drag or coerce him to see the chimps … “Monkeys are over here Tosh,” I said.  “Here there are - down here, come on, come on,” I kept telling him.  Ultimately feeling like some kind of monkey drug dealer to my child.

 Tosh, on the other hand, was flowing through the Zoo.  At his pace, through his eyes.  Really being present with what came into view. 

Instead of wanting to see the monkeys right away – his vision caught a statute of some tigers.  So I relaxed.  And (for the most part) allowed Tosh to guide us through the Zoo.  Being patient and present with him.

We stopped at the Lions, who were taking some serious cat-naps, when suddenly, some ants on the ground caught Tosh’s attention.  Ok I thought, let’s observe some ants.   

When I relaxed, and allowed myself to experience the flow, I noticed I was having a much more enjoyable experience. 

When I was was being ‘forceful’ in my attempts, I felt tense and, well, kinda off.  Like something didn’t feel quite right.  (by the way, we did end up seeing the chimps)

So what does all this mean, really? 

For me, I was learning (again, yes, once again) that when I decided to be open to learning, something miraculous happened:

I was able to feel and be inside this pure, love-state.  

Our natural state.

So why, sometimes, does it feel like REAL effort to be in this supposedly ‘natural’ Love and Wisdom state?   

Our thoughts!

Without going into too much detail here: we, especially adults, can have a lot of thoughts about life, about situations, about people, about the past – just about anything!  (Like my thoughts about how the Zoo ‘needed’ to be seen)

It is only our momentary thoughts that happen to ‘get in the way’ of us being able to recognize that pure Love-Wisdom-state. 

The most awesome thing to know is:  

We always have the capacity to feel this love-state, this joy, this peace, this contentment in life – regardless of what may be happening situationally or circumstantially. 

For us to experience this love-state (sometimes referred to this as Wisdom) all we have to do is exist, to be alive!  That’s it!  No contract to sign or payments ...

The Love inside you is already and always there. It’s our gift as human beings.

It may just be our innocent, temporary thinking about the situation or whatever we’re dealing with in that moment that happens to take our attention away from the truth of who we are, what is present, what is truly at our core. 

Every day my son reminds me of the infinite Love that is me. 

I observe how quickly his moods change and how swifty he can move from being placed in ‘quiet time’ to hugging and kissing me the moment he is released. 

 The same is true for us adults too.  If we allowed it.

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between experiencing a good day and a bad day is? 

Let’s take it even deeper than the surface issues.  Life is full of what I call ‘surface issues.’   For instance, when you can’t pay a bill, or your kitchen floor floods for no apparent reason or your tax return is seized by the student loan people (current personal issues I’m speaking of!). 

These are all ‘surface’ issues, life issues, things that inevitably come up in life that you really may have no control over whatsoever!  A.K.A. external things

So, what is beneath all these ‘surface issues’?   

Even in the midst of all these issues, your ultimate state of Love and Wisdom is still present. Find out for yourself.      

When we see ourselves caught up in obsessive ‘thinking’ about things, do you think it’s easier or harder to find a solution?

On the other side, when you are feeling at ease and maybe at peace, have you ever had a solution to a problem or question surface immediately?

These are questions I encourage you to explore for your own benefit. 

I ‘play’ like this in life a lot.  Like, “What happens when I slow down and come into the present moment in dealing with a tough, tough situation?”  I’ve learned a lot in this way of self-exploration and introspection. 

I’m not asking that you trust what I write about – more that you explore it for yourself.

What I write is not about a destination that seeks ‘perfection’ rather, simply, an exploration of the understanding of how we operate as human beings. 

Yes, there are times I fly off the handle – and have even yelled (eek) at my son – and my husband. 

Having embarked upon understanding this inside-out nature to life helps me see why I may have reacted that way.  It’s easier for me to forgive myself for the stumbles along the way too.  Understanding our human-ness has opened my heart to myself and those around me.

Children can be our best teachers.   

 If we are open to learn.

With Love and Gratitude Always