Saturday, December 19, 2015

Love In The Moment

Love In The Moment
by A.M. Stewart

Love in the moment is un-scripted, it has no rules, and no agenda too

Will you stop to ask what is required of love in the moment?
it does not come bathed in your to-do-lists, the shoulds, the ought to's
love in the moment has told me:
to slow down
to stop work for today
to sit in the sunlight
to read a book
to love myself for no reason
love in the moment has told me:
to clean my house
to play with children
to do my work
to not be afraid of difference
love in the moment
is my only compass
it does not come with a list
it does not come with rules
it does not dwell in a book
love in the moment feels gracefully humble
and teaches me new things
allows me to be flexible
and is all encompassing
love in the moment is new and fresh
it's often not what “I” had in mind …

love in the moment sometimes means:
and consistency

love in the moment sometime means:
no boundaries
no rules
and inconsistency

love in the moment is here
in this moment

but if I do not stop to ask ..
I may not hear love in this moment

love in the moment
is sometimes
my hurt ego
love in the moment
is sometimes
a different point of view

love in this moment always shows me what to do

I am love in this moment
because I cannot be
separate from love
I am love
we are love
we are love in this moment if we choose

and when I fail to choose love in this moment
there is another moment
and another moment
moment by moment
we can be love in this moment

and when I fail to choose love in the next moment
alas, it is okay. It is okay. It is okay, okay, okay, okay.

Because love has not left me. It has not left me.  
 It has not left me.
I am Love

Here I am love in this moment again.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Infinite Love ... and .. Deer

This morning I was feeling kinda bummed and lonely – because my running buddy couldn't make it to our run in the woods. Then I remembered the infinite Love Spring living in me, that is me and everyone and everything else. I began to feel full of love and comforted in a deep way.

At that moment, I looked down and saw this perfect leaf with a heart shape somehow cut out in the middle. “Amazing,” I thought, “Just amazing.” Knowing absolutely this was not a coincidence.

As I proceeded on my run through the woods, a large deer ran across my path. I looked over and there was a family of deer, about 6 or 7. We ran side by side for a moment of magic and magnificence. Then they disappeared. I'm not sure if it was the pregnancy hormones or just that I was in deep recognition of the connection to this Pure Love – but I wanted to stop and weep.

As a surge of emotion filled my spirit, I instantly felt grateful and in awe of the magnificence of the absolute perfection of Life. All my thinking about what needed to be changed and fixed, all the thoughts about what was imperfect disappeared. It was replaced by an absolute knowing that ALL is perfect as it IS already. It didn't need me to do anything – or to make it any particular way – because it's all just perfect in and of itself.

Even the things I had seen in the moment as sad or imperfect or needing to be changed instantly transformed into being ok the way they are. The beauty and perfection in the mess of it all, if you will.

In this moment I saw very clearly, the depth of gratitude that exists for all of Life's waves. It is in the recognition of where the source of Love dwells.

And it is true, we have many moments where action is required. But if we do not allow the action to come from that place of love and gratitude, it serves no one and nothing well.

Friday, November 7, 2014

What if Love is always there?

By A.M. Stewart

One Sunday afternoon, my husband and I are catching up on some house work. As I'm folding laundry, I look outside the living room window. I can see my son Tosh playing on his swing set. The leaves are falling and blowing swiftly through the air as the months have changed into a new season.

 And in this moment, my heart feels so full of love. And 'something' is in recognition of this ever-present love. It's perfect and beautiful. And there is no effort to 'do' anything, except to acknowledge the presence of this love. There is no need to create or make it – because it's just always here.

Sometimes I feel like we can get into these habits of busying ourselves. Like the weekend has to have so much production, every ounce of time needs to be taken advantage of, every possible 'thing' to do needs to be considered for the sake of making memories with our family and for our children. (I almost feel exhausted just writing about all that!).

But what if the truth was, by doing ALL that – we're actually distracting ourselves from fully recognizing the love that is ALREADY present. We don't need to organize or create it. It's there for us to enjoy anytime, anywhere, doing anything … what if we recognized this? What if we could let go of some of our personal thinking about life? What would we experience next?

What if Love, Peace, Joy, exists within us always. Like, always always. Like, it never leaves! Even in chaos it's there! Would we begin to Trust that more than our personally created thinking about life?

I can tell you personally that when I trust it's there, Life flows so much more effortlessly. And is a JOY. Even while washing dishes! But when I forget this, I create a lot of misery for myself and sometimes for those around me.

As LeVar Burton (Reading Rainbow) would say, “But you don't have to take my word for it!”

In other words, see for yourself. What if Love is always there?

If you are interested in individual or group Spiritual Coaching, please contact me at

For several years I have worked with individuals and groups helping people gain a deeper understanding of how and where our experience of life is being created. This approach is universal, meaning that it does not interfere with any particular belief system, religion or personal background. You will find these psychological Principles are the 'ingredients' to all life.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Love in Loss: A personal story of pregnancy loss

This is my personal story about pregnancy loss. On January 26, 2014, we lost our second child. 

The morning after the Doctor told us our baby's heartbeat had stopped in my womb, my 3 year- old son must have known. He slept in bed with us that night. When we awoke in the morning, he held my face with both his hands and kissed my lips over and over.

Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Like he knew. And was saying to me, "Mommy, it's ok. I love you."

The painting I was moved to create
In days that followed, my son and I lie in bed as he started to talk about the baby in Mommy's belly. I told him very gently the baby had gone to heaven to be an Angel. And very matter of fact-like, he repeated everything I told him.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to experience sadness or a loss. I think our thoughts can tell us there is. That we 'should' be going through certain steps of grieving - which is okay too - but not necessarily a 'have to.'

Something that I was quite surprised by were my feelings and 'state of mind' throughout it all.  I noticed myself expereincing - even in the midst of this sadness - great peace, happiness and joy. I noticed myself being quite judgemntal of those feelings too. Conditioned thoughts arising, saying, 'No, wait - you're supposed to feel sad right now!!'

And don't get me wrong, there were many moments - and days too - of shitty. To which I replied, "Who cares! So what, you know, it's just a feeling." The feeling really doesn't say anything about the true nature of me .. so essentially, I got to enjoy the momentary misery.  Maybe it's not the "normal" response but it certainly felt "natural" to me.

Sitting quietly in my living room one afternoon, I realized my thoughts and my personal mind had this tendancy to bring back and hold onto the painful thoughts and feelings. But when I just released them - I immediately felt comfort. Joy. Peace. "Interesting," I thought. It seems slightly exhausting to hold on to these sad thoughts. So I just let them go. And let them come. And then let them go again.

What always seemed to surface was this calm feeling. This eternal space of Love. And it said, "You're okay." And I deeply felt it.

Sometimes it can be as though others, unknowingly, project their feelings onto you. "Poor you" .. you know? I recall a time when a friend was telling me his car had broke down so he had to take the bus. Immediately I said to him, "I'm sorry." (assuming this must be bad for him)  His response was blunt and loving, "No - I like it," He said, "I get to meet lots of people."
It's all very innocent, this projecting thing ...

I recall having many insights throughout this experience, many moments of seeing the true nature of things. One of the most powerful ones was when I allowed myself to look further into the heart of 'me.'

A mentor of mine asked me one day, "WHO has this happened TO?"

Talk about a mind-fuck. I reflected on this question and went deeply into a space of nothingness and everything-ness that appeared untouchable - unbreakable - totally absent of my self-created identity and ideas.

I discovered that only my identity (ego, thoughts) that I created could be 'hurt.' And behind all that -  the truth of what I am: This energy, this resiliency, this source of ultimate Love - wherever you believe it comes from - is, well, unbreakable and always whole.

A wash of relief came over me. A realization of true and total freedom filled my spirit. And this challenging, heart-breaking experience transformed in front of my eyes into living beauty. Gratitude for all life bursting.

And it was there that I met Love in the midst of loss.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Anything is Possible

 By A.M. Stewart

Somehow I am always taken care of
Anything Is Possible
Somehow Love always answers the question
Anything Is Possible
Somehow Gratitude comes back into my heart
Anything Is Possible
When nay-sayers thrive and can’t see the light
Anything Is Possible
When hope comes rushing in with a blanket of faith 
Anything Is Possible
When my hands are guided gently back to Love
Anything Is Possible
When a desire to see more fills my spirit
Anything Is Possible
As I rest at night and trust in the Unknown
Anything Is Possible
When I believe anything is possible
Anything Is Possible

Anything is possible
Anything is possible
Any. Thing. Is. Possible.
I welcome into my Heart.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Butterflies are Always Free

By A.M. Stewart

There was a time I remember feeling so small like I existed without a voice. I remember feeling like I didn’t even know ‘me.’ I remember believing the lies were true. I remember the stories I made up about weekly bruises that suddenly appeared on my limbs. I remember wanting someone who would love me – just for me.

Then realizing, maybe, I didn’t even love myself.

I remember the moment I spread my wings. And the moment I noticed that I had wings! It was the moment I decided I would no longer accept abuse.  It happened quite unexpectedly.

For many years, I prayed for him to change. For him to treat me better. For him to respect me.  For him to have an awakening that would show him how to truly love me. For him to wake up! There I was, watching, waiting, wondering if the butterfly would ever emerge from its cocoon. I could not see that I was in a cocoon too. Held captive only by my thinking.

I always thought I would be able to say or ‘do’ something that would change his thoughts and behavior. That maybe today was the day that he would show love and compassion. And true, maybe we can have an affect on others with our words and actions. But it is not up to us to change or ‘fix’ anyone.   

The change I desperately desired did not occur within him. It occurred within me like magic.  The rabbit suddenly popped out of the hat. There it was, my strength and Wisdom revealed!

It was in a Yoga class where I had an insight that changed my life forever.  I wasn’t expecting to see
life differently. I wasn’t expecting to hear anything. I wasn’t expecting any change. 
On that day, I listened to words that spoke to my heart, to my essence, to my Wisdom, to God within.  

They were words of freedom. Words of truth. Words of simple joy.

I’m sure I had probably heard these words before but in that moment they were truth. They were new. They were a gift only I could open. I was finally ready in that moment to listen.

The Yoga teacher said, “We cannot change the external world, we can only change ourselves from within.”

At that moment I knew I wanted to love myself. I knew I would no longer accept or tolerate abuse. I knew I had to leave.

We never know what will spark a moment of deep realization or insight. The Yoga teacher’s words were poetry to my heart. They were words I already knew. But now I was ready. Now I saw the strength within me. Now I could leave my cocoon.

Now, anything was possible – even starting all over.  

If you happen to be stubborn like me, you often have to go to the very bottom to discover you have to pick a different direction. You may, like me, just want to know for certain, ‘Is this really the bottom? Are you sure I can’t go any further?’ There was no more space in my cocoon. The only direction left was ‘out.’

And so I flew!

We fear change so much in life. We think we’ve got to hold onto whatever we have forever – even if it’s bad for us. Even if it’s killing us. All of a sudden we can find ourselves wearing a bikini in snowy weather shocked, wondering, ‘What happened? I’m freezing … where are my pants?’   
Yes the weather has changed. And when we resist change, we often create more problems.

Observe how nature gracefully accepts change whenever that should occur. Everything happens right on time, flawlessly, like a joyous dance between lost lovers. If Fall comes early, the leaves do not try to cling desperately to the tree. They joyfully surrender to the present moment of falling.

Nothing is late. Nothing is early. Nothing is resisted. It’s all peacefully accepted as the Truth. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we relaxed just a bit and enjoyed the changing seasons of our lives?

The season of my life changed in a matter of seconds. After hearing the Yoga teacher’s words, a burden lifted from my shoulders. I no longer felt guilty and ashamed of my sad marriage. I no longer felt like I had to fix it or the other person.

I discovered, in fact, I was free.

I discovered I no longer had to lie about the bruises.  I no longer had to accept being verbally put down every day. I no longer needed to play a victim role. I no longer had to pretend life was wonderful.

I could just be me. So I grew dreadlocks and made a plan to leave someone who chose not love me.

I chose to love myself.

For the first time in my life I listened to my heart. I listened to the voice deep within my soul. And I took a courageous step onto a path I could not see. People and opportunities began to show up in my life to help me because my eyes and heart were open.

When I began to trust that I had Wisdom I did things I never thought I’d have the courage or strength to do. I took steps to free myself from an abusive person. I made decisions that felt right to my soul. I stood up for myself when people close to me questioned why I was leaving my marriage. I spoke my Truth with love and courage.

In the midst of my abusive relationship, I received a gift.  It was a box a friend made for me. The front of the box said, “Butterflies are always free.” A simple message of truth about who we are.

After emerging from the cocoon, there were many moments this butterfly had to rest. And still does. Learning to fly again can sometimes feel like a bumpy endeavor.

We are all meant to fly free. To be contained only by the love of our hearts. And when I least expected it, I uncovered this freedom dwelling in my soul all along.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Connected to Love

 by A.M. Stewart
We are always connected to Love, because Love is who we are. Whether we realize this moment to moment or not - this is a truth.  Some people may use many words in place of ‘Love’ like God, Wisdom, Energy, Source, the Supreme, etc.  But we’re all talking about the same thing here, let us not get lost on the sound of words. 

I’ve noticed this connection to Love at many different points in my life. During situations one would think not possible. One in particular comes to mind: when visiting my Mom the week her husband passed away. During this sad time of loss, I noticed my Mom continuing to care for all the flowers she had been given.  Carefully, gently and peacefully she replaced the water, then arranged them in such a pleasing way. Her care and gentleness for the flowers was simply a deep connection to Love expressing itself in this way, in that moment.

I noticed this connection recently when feeling particularly overwhelmed and sad about life. I realized I was ‘feeling’ alone. The moment I noticed this – and said it to myself – something profound happened. My connection to Love – to God – answered back, “You are never alone. Even when you’re alone, you’re never alone – because you are connected to this infinite, universal energy of Love, of God, of Wisdom.” 

This deep realization was immediately comforting to me in that moment. It’s exactly what I needed. And it came from inside myself – no one else ‘told’ me this. In that moment I recognized this Truth, this connection to Love that never disappears. What an absolute gift. We are always connected to Love – because Love is who we are.