Infinite Love ... and .. Deer

This morning I was feeling kinda bummed and lonely – because my running buddy couldn't make it to our run in the woods. Then I remembered the infinite Love Spring living in me, that is me and everyone and everything else. I began to feel full of love and comforted in a deep way.

At that moment, I looked down and saw this perfect leaf with a heart shape somehow cut out in the middle. “Amazing,” I thought, “Just amazing.” Knowing absolutely this was not a coincidence.

As I proceeded on my run through the woods, a large deer ran across my path. I looked over and there was a family of deer, about 6 or 7. We ran side by side for a moment of magic and magnificence. Then they disappeared. I'm not sure if it was the pregnancy hormones or just that I was in deep recognition of the connection to this Pure Love – but I wanted to stop and weep.

As a surge of emotion filled my spirit, I instantly felt grateful and in awe of the magnificence of the absolute perfection of Life. All my thinking about what needed to be changed and fixed, all the thoughts about what was imperfect disappeared. It was replaced by an absolute knowing that ALL is perfect as it IS already. It didn't need me to do anything – or to make it any particular way – because it's all just perfect in and of itself.

Even the things I had seen in the moment as sad or imperfect or needing to be changed instantly transformed into being ok the way they are. The beauty and perfection in the mess of it all, if you will.

In this moment I saw very clearly, the depth of gratitude that exists for all of Life's waves. It is in the recognition of where the source of Love dwells.

And it is true, we have many moments where action is required. But if we do not allow the action to come from that place of love and gratitude, it serves no one and nothing well.

What if Love is always there?

By A.M. Stewart

One Sunday afternoon, my husband and I are catching up on some house work. As I'm folding laundry, I look outside the living room window. I can see my son Tosh playing on his swing set. The leaves are falling and blowing swiftly through the air as the months have changed into a new season.

 And in this moment, my heart feels so full of love. And 'something' is in recognition of this ever-present love. It's perfect and beautiful. And there is no effort to 'do' anything, except to acknowledge the presence of this love. There is no need to create or make it – because it's just always here.

Sometimes I feel like we can get into these habits of busying ourselves. Like the weekend has to have so much production, every ounce of time needs to be taken advantage of, every possible 'thing' to do needs to be considered for the sake of making memories with our family and for our children. (I almost feel exhausted just writing about all that!).

But what if the truth was, by doing ALL that – we're actually distracting ourselves from fully recognizing the love that is ALREADY present. We don't need to organize or create it. It's there for us to enjoy anytime, anywhere, doing anything … what if we recognized this? What if we could let go of some of our personal thinking about life? What would we experience next?

What if Love, Peace, Joy, exists within us always. Like, always always. Like, it never leaves! Even in chaos it's there! Would we begin to Trust that more than our personally created thinking about life?

I can tell you personally that when I trust it's there, Life flows so much more effortlessly. And is a JOY. Even while washing dishes! But when I forget this, I create a lot of misery for myself and sometimes for those around me.

As LeVar Burton (Reading Rainbow) would say, “But you don't have to take my word for it!”

In other words, see for yourself. What if Love is always there?

If you are interested in individual or group Spiritual Coaching, please contact me at amstewartview@gmail.com

For several years I have worked with individuals and groups helping people gain a deeper understanding of how and where our experience of life is being created. This approach is universal, meaning that it does not interfere with any particular belief system, religion or personal background. You will find these psychological Principles are the 'ingredients' to all life.

Love in Loss: A personal story of pregnancy loss

This is my personal story about pregnancy loss. On January 26, 2014, we lost our second child. 

The morning after the Doctor told us our baby's heartbeat had stopped in my womb, my 3 year- old son must have known. He slept in bed with us that night. When we awoke in the morning, he held my face with both his hands and kissed my lips over and over.

Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Like he knew. And was saying to me, "Mommy, it's ok. I love you."

The painting I was moved to create

In days that followed, my son and I lie in bed as he started to talk about the baby in Mommy's belly. I told him very gently the baby had gone to heaven to be an Angel. And very matter of fact-like, he repeated everything I told him.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to experience sadness or a loss. I think our thoughts can tell us there is. That we 'should' be going through certain steps of grieving - which is okay too - but not necessarily a 'have to.'

Something that I was quite surprised by were my feelings and 'state of mind' throughout it all.  I noticed myself expereincing - even in the midst of this sadness - great peace, happiness and joy. I noticed myself being quite judgemntal of those feelings too. Conditioned thoughts arising, saying, 'No, wait - you're supposed to feel sad right now!!'

And don't get me wrong, there were many moments - and days too - of shitty. To which I replied, "Who cares! So what, you know, it's just a feeling." The feeling really doesn't say anything about the true nature of me .. so essentially, I got to enjoy the momentary misery.  Maybe it's not the "normal" response but it certainly felt "natural" to me.

Sitting quietly in my living room one afternoon, I realized my thoughts and my personal mind had this tendancy to bring back and hold onto the painful thoughts and feelings. But when I just released them - I immediately felt comfort. Joy. Peace. "Interesting," I thought. It seems slightly exhausting to hold on to these sad thoughts. So I just let them go. And let them come. And then let them go again.

What always seemed to surface was this calm feeling. This eternal space of Love. And it said, "You're okay." And I deeply felt it.

Sometimes it can be as though others, unknowingly, project their feelings onto you. "Poor you" .. you know? I recall a time when a friend was telling me his car had broke down so he had to take the bus. Immediately I said to him, "I'm sorry." (assuming this must be bad for him)  His response was blunt and loving, "No - I like it," He said, "I get to meet lots of people."
It's all very innocent, this projecting thing ...

I recall having many insights throughout this experience, many moments of seeing the true nature of things. One of the most powerful ones was when I allowed myself to look further into the heart of 'me.'

A mentor of mine asked me one day, "WHO has this happened TO?"

Talk about a mind-fuck. I reflected on this question and went deeply into a space of nothingness and everything-ness that appeared untouchable - unbreakable - totally absent of my self-created identity and ideas.

I discovered that only my identity (ego, thoughts) that I created could be 'hurt.' And behind all that -  the truth of what I am: This energy, this resiliency, this source of ultimate Love - wherever you believe it comes from - is, well, unbreakable and always whole.

A wash of relief came over me. A realization of true and total freedom filled my spirit. And this challenging, heart-breaking experience transformed in front of my eyes into living beauty. Gratitude for all life bursting.

And it was there that I met Love in the midst of loss.

Anything is Possible

 By A.M. Stewart

Somehow I am always taken care of
Anything Is Possible
Somehow Love always answers the question
Anything Is Possible
Somehow Gratitude comes back into my heart
Anything Is Possible
When nay-sayers thrive and can’t see the light
Anything Is Possible
When hope comes rushing in with a blanket of faith 
Anything Is Possible
When my hands are guided gently back to Love
Anything Is Possible
When a desire to see more fills my spirit
Anything Is Possible
As I rest at night and trust in the Unknown
Anything Is Possible
When I believe anything is possible
Anything Is Possible

Anything is possible
Anything is possible
Any. Thing. Is. Possible.
I welcome into my Heart.