Parenting and Being Human: Lessons From A Toddler

By A.M Stewart

 

As I’m watching my son the other day, I begin to take notice of the seemingly effort-less-ness of his smiling and laughing.  Huh, I thought. 

He looked to be so joyful for (really) no apparent reason.  Or perhaps, there wasn’t any ‘reason’ my brain could come up with as to why he was acting so happy in that moment. (I should mention my son is 2.5 years old.)

I wonder why he’s so happy, I thought. Then something profound came to me. 

He is living in his true state of being! 

There is no ‘reason’ we have to have in order to be happy or joyful – but for the mere sake of existing – of being – of living.

Tosh, my son, was simply being - expressing the pure love that is him. 

Then I thought, you know, adults, teenagers, stressed-out individuals - ALL humans - have this ability.  An ability that is so natural, like water flowing down a river.  No effort needed because it is who we are. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am like every other parent out there who clinches her teeth as their toddler throws a tantrum in the Library.  Who (at times) uses all her strength to hold back from acting on the immediate thoughts in her head as her child hits her and throws objects at her (currently dealing with this). Who criticizes herself with loads of judgement when her son comes back from a night at Grandma’s and behaved like an ‘angel’. (Why can’t he do that for me?)  Yes, just because I’m writing this doesn’t mean I’m immune to being human. 

However, I do find that when I’m open to learning, I do indeed learn so very much. 

Even from my toddler son.  (Yes, you read that correctly).

Actually, tons of learning happens when I am present with my child.

We visited the zoo several weekends ago with Tosh, our son.  As we approached the entrance, I glimpsed a sign that said, “Water is never tired of flowing.”   

Of course!  

Because water is just flowing, surrendering to the flow, much like children know how to do so naturally.

As we navigated the Zoo, I had all these thoughts about what we ‘should’ or ‘needed’ to cover.  Tosh, on the other hand, had completely different ideas about how to see the Zoo.   

He just flowed. 

And me, in my innocent thinking, trying numerous times to drag or coerce him to see the chimps … “Monkeys are over here Tosh,” I said.  “Here there are - down here, come on, come on,” I kept telling him.  Ultimately feeling like some kind of monkey drug dealer to my child.

 Tosh, on the other hand, was flowing through the Zoo.  At his pace, through his eyes.  Really being present with what came into view. 

Instead of wanting to see the monkeys right away – his vision caught a statute of some tigers.  So I relaxed.  And (for the most part) allowed Tosh to guide us through the Zoo.  Being patient and present with him.

We stopped at the Lions, who were taking some serious cat-naps, when suddenly, some ants on the ground caught Tosh’s attention.  Ok I thought, let’s observe some ants.   

When I relaxed, and allowed myself to experience the flow, I noticed I was having a much more enjoyable experience. 

When I was was being ‘forceful’ in my attempts, I felt tense and, well, kinda off.  Like something didn’t feel quite right.  (by the way, we did end up seeing the chimps)

So what does all this mean, really? 

For me, I was learning (again, yes, once again) that when I decided to be open to learning, something miraculous happened:

I was able to feel and be inside this pure, love-state.  

Our natural state.

So why, sometimes, does it feel like REAL effort to be in this supposedly ‘natural’ Love and Wisdom state?   

Our thoughts!

Without going into too much detail here: we, especially adults, can have a lot of thoughts about life, about situations, about people, about the past – just about anything!  (Like my thoughts about how the Zoo ‘needed’ to be seen)

It is only our momentary thoughts that happen to ‘get in the way’ of us being able to recognize that pure Love-Wisdom-state. 

The most awesome thing to know is:  

We always have the capacity to feel this love-state, this joy, this peace, this contentment in life – regardless of what may be happening situationally or circumstantially. 

For us to experience this love-state (sometimes referred to this as Wisdom) all we have to do is exist, to be alive!  That’s it!  No contract to sign or payments ...

The Love inside you is already and always there. It’s our gift as human beings.

It may just be our innocent, temporary thinking about the situation or whatever we’re dealing with in that moment that happens to take our attention away from the truth of who we are, what is present, what is truly at our core. 

Every day my son reminds me of the infinite Love that is me. 

I observe how quickly his moods change and how swifty he can move from being placed in ‘quiet time’ to hugging and kissing me the moment he is released. 

 The same is true for us adults too.  If we allowed it.

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between experiencing a good day and a bad day is? 

Let’s take it even deeper than the surface issues.  Life is full of what I call ‘surface issues.’   For instance, when you can’t pay a bill, or your kitchen floor floods for no apparent reason or your tax return is seized by the student loan people (current personal issues I’m speaking of!). 

These are all ‘surface’ issues, life issues, things that inevitably come up in life that you really may have no control over whatsoever!  A.K.A. external things

So, what is beneath all these ‘surface issues’?   

Even in the midst of all these issues, your ultimate state of Love and Wisdom is still present. Find out for yourself.      

When we see ourselves caught up in obsessive ‘thinking’ about things, do you think it’s easier or harder to find a solution?

On the other side, when you are feeling at ease and maybe at peace, have you ever had a solution to a problem or question surface immediately?

These are questions I encourage you to explore for your own benefit. 

I ‘play’ like this in life a lot.  Like, “What happens when I slow down and come into the present moment in dealing with a tough, tough situation?”  I’ve learned a lot in this way of self-exploration and introspection. 

I’m not asking that you trust what I write about – more that you explore it for yourself.

What I write is not about a destination that seeks ‘perfection’ rather, simply, an exploration of the understanding of how we operate as human beings. 

Yes, there are times I fly off the handle – and have even yelled (eek) at my son – and my husband. 

Having embarked upon understanding this inside-out nature to life helps me see why I may have reacted that way.  It’s easier for me to forgive myself for the stumbles along the way too.  Understanding our human-ness has opened my heart to myself and those around me.

Children can be our best teachers.   

 If we are open to learn.

With Love and Gratitude Always 

No Need to "be something"

It occurs to me that there is so much focus on "self-improvement" these days ... suggesting we are "not good enough."

I am here to say otherwise. 

You are enough. 

As you are. 

You are made perfectly whole, loving and amazing.  Nothing changes that.  Or can take it away.


Suppose you decided to stop all the 'efforting' and simply appreciate where you are in this moment ... 
Sometimes it's like we can be spending so much effort and time trying to swim against the current, really getting nowhere.   

~ When all we need to do is relax and let go - and life - the current - will naturally take care of us and bring us right where we're supposed to be. ~

Do you also see the benefit of letting go?  
Of simply accepting what is, in this moment?

The Fluorescent Buzzing of Life

 

by A.M. Stewart

 Maybe nothing needs to be fixed.

Maybe trying to fix ‘something’ is a self-created illusion.

Consider – you are already everything you need to be – And maybe the situation too.

 Maybe your thoughts about yourself are distracting you from seeing this.

Like a Hamster spinning on a wheel in a cage – just remember: the only way the wheel continues to spin is if you are making it turn. 

Hop off the wheel for a second - and see something New – or not.

At your core – beneath the fluorescent buzzing of life – is absolute Love, absolute innocence, absolute Truth.   

It IS who you are, always.

I know you’ve sensed this deeper part of you before, because, after all – it IS who we are.  Maybe you haven’t felt it since childhood.  But you HAVE felt it.  It never goes away. 

 Maybe you’ve just taken notice of the buzz the fluorescent bulbs of life continuously make, momentarily taking your attention away from the Truth of you.

We think there is so much ‘doing’ that needs to be done to make our lives so much better.   

Throughout all your struggle and days of ‘doing ‘– and fighting against the ‘doing’ – and judgment of the ‘doing’ – are you finally ready to let go of the ‘doing’?  After all, all this ‘doing’ isn’t really doing it - is it?

Yes, there are certain things we must ‘do’ in life. I’m not really talking about all that; I’m speaking of something deeper here. 

Often we can feel as if we need to ‘make’ ourselves better (internally) in some way before attempting to do something else in life.   

You are already perfect and whole.  There is nothing to perfect.  It’s already there.  

Nothing along life’s path can damage that – or take it away. Maybe you are in a place where you momentarily believe that it has been taken away or damaged.  And that’s ok too.

Just remember, when you are ready, you will stop paying so much attention to all the fluorescent buzzing of life.  That is only a distraction. 

Underneath it all, is you.

A place where you can peacefully navigate any of life’s storms with ease and clarity. 

Maybe your thoughts are keeping you from seeing this. 

Maybe you are just perfect, 

the way you are, after all.  
And possess all the knowledge you will ever need.