Where Did the Wellness Go?

By A.M. Stewart

  It recently occurred to me that it’s absolutely 100% OK to be in a low or bad mood. In fact last week I felt like shit. Yes, basically the entire week I was in a feeling state of funk. Maybe you have had times too where you didn’t feel well or something just felt off, not quite right.

I think in times like this it’s helpful to know that your wellness didn’t ‘go’ anywhere. You might feel as if it took the next train to Napa, but in fact, your wellness has remained. It can’t ‘go’ anywhere because it IS you. It would be like saying ‘my heart has literally stopped beating.’ Not possible. Only if you were physically no longer with us in form could that be possible. The same is true for your Well-being.

You happen to be a ‘package deal.’ Yes, the moment you were born you were given innate wellness, Wisdom or some say Source and lots of other terms that we could use to describe this gift.

So what happens when we feel as though we are not well?

I was listening to a mentor speak the other day, and she shared something that hit me to my core: she said, “Sometimes we see our wellness and sometimes we simply do not.”  

This is deeply true and important to remember, especially when we happen not to ‘see’ or feel our innate Well-being.

The other day, I was at a friend’s house. She had just moved into this new house. She spent a while looking for the outside spigot on her house but just couldn’t find it. We were standing together looking for the spigot, I looked down and there it was plain as day! The spigot in plain sight. No more than 2 feet away from us. She totally missed it even though it had been there the entire time.

We do this same thing with our Wisdom and Well-being. We sometimes innocently believe that it is no longer part of us.  Sometimes we think we no longer have it – and can sometimes think there may even be (gasp!) something wrong with us!

The low feelings and moods we experience can be like clouds moving across the sky. The sunshine is like Wisdom and Well-being. Sometimes the clouds move in front of the sun. But the sun doesn’t actually disappear. Sometimes it just appears that way because all we’re focusing on are the rain clouds, so in that moment, that is all we happen to see. But behind the clouds, the sun remains. Our Wisdom and Well-being always remains.

When I was having my not-so-good week I recognized my feelings were off. I was seeing the rainstorm. So I chose not to make a big deal of them. I chose not to deeply trust what I happened to be thinking while I was in those low moods. I chose to react less and do as little as I possibly could in those low moods because I knew my feelings were low.  I chose to be OK with not feeling very OK.

When I know my feelings are off, I know I probably shouldn’t trust the quality of my thinking. It is not the Truth about life or who I am.

When I feel calm, neutral, clear and open I naturally connect to Wisdom and Well-being. It is in this place I discover Truth. There isn’t anything in particular to ‘do’ for this to arise. It just IS.

Sometimes it’s just OK to be in the moment. Sometimes we may have to get out of our own way. Maybe simply noticing that we’re having a lot of thinking about things and life is helpful. Busy and wrapped-up thinking will surly distract you from seeing and feeling your wellness and Wisdom. Maybe we could be honest with ourselves and look inside to see how we’re creating our feelings and experience of life. Maybe.

The depth of our understanding of life is limitless.

And it’s nice to know the wellness within us hasn’t gone anywhere. Even if, momentarily, innocently, we may believe it has.

Granny's Love Doesn't Cost a Thing

By A.M. Stewart

Watching my Granny create hundreds of crocheted pieces of art, then effortlessly give them away made little sense to me as a 7, 10, and 12 year-old child.  “You mean, you just spent all that time making that and your just going to give it away,” I thought.

Often Granny will give anyone, really, anything for any reason.  A friend coming for a visit. A person she hears of that is ill. A new Mother-in-law joining the family. My 5^th grade teacher.  It doesn’t matter. 
She gives her love away freely, beautifully, with no expectation attached, without conditions.  




I didn’t understand her love until I got older and found myself doing the same thing, but in different ways. 

Turns out, the love-well never runs dry.

I learned this lesson so deeply from my Granny – but only through her actions.  I don’t ever remember her saying to me, “We give because we love,” or something mushy like that. She taught me the meaning of life by the love she painted. By the clothes she ironed. By the crocheted gifts she made every student in my 3^rd grade class. By the snacks she gave us when we returned home from school. The breakfast she made, the clothes she laid out for me. Her arms wrapped tightly around me in a rocking chair. 

All with unconditional love just flowing.

She even taught me her delicate art form. It was the summer she helped me crochet my very first project: a small, square pillow, when I realized the tedious nature of the craft. After it was complete, I was beaming with pride and excitement for what had been created. Then, for a moment, I reflected about how much effort and time was poured into this creation … pausing, then noticing:

Granny gives away most everything she makes to others … “Wow,” I thought.  Then came the question, “Why?”
At that time, I couldn’t understand why - or how - someone would give away all their energy, love and hard work.
 
For so long I believed my love-well could run dry. That if, during a dry summer, I gave too much love away, I’d need to wait till spring to give out more. It wasn’t until I understood unconditional love for myself, that I noticed somehow the well never completely runs dry.

When I began to see that love is me, I realized giving love away required no effort because it was simply a true expression of myself. Each simple, small act could bear the fruit of love – even if I was in the midst of a troubling situation – love is there, it is me, we are inseparable.

There was a time (even occasionally now!) my thoughts told me it was difficult to love – because of my past, worry about the future or whatever baggage I happened to be believing at the time. So that was my reality: ‘sometimes it’s hard or impossible to give others love.’  When I no longer believe that thought – and remember the source of love – anything is possible. 

Even, never running out of love is possible.

It’s interesting how situations in the past can teach us lessons in the present if we are open to seeing and hearing.  Unexpectedly, on a spring afternoon, while running in a park, my Granny’s unconditional love hit me. I began to recall all the love she poured into my life. At that moment, I realized she was one of the first people who taught me about the truth of love and compassion. To this day, she gives that same love away, with ease, looking as effortless as breathing.


But what had created this great moment of insight into realizing one of my very first teachers in life? It was simply my openness that showed me a fresh new way to receive life. 

A desire to want to understand more. A willingness to let go.

Now that I know my love-well never runs dry, what reason do I have to withhold my love from anything or anyone?  To withhold love, would be to deny who I am. 

 I see again and again, I am Love. Every human being is love.

My Granny gives her love away freely, beautifully, naturally. It doesn’t cost a thing.

And I am so grateful for it.